After a 25-hour journey flying across the Pacific, I found myself in a new country. I woke up the next morning, looked out the window of our small Army Lodging room and said “Holy s**t, I am in Korea.”
I didn’t know what to do next and my mind began to race. We didn’t ship a car and we left our two dogs with my brother. My husband had left our hotel early that morning to in-process, so it was just me, my 2-year old son, and my own thoughts. We tried to at least go outside and find our way to the PX, but I still felt like I was having an out-of-body experience.
“None of this is real, right,” I would say to myself. “This is just a vacation. I will wake back up in the States in no time. Is my son going to be okay? I miss my parents.”
Despite my denial, this was 100% real. We were now temporary residents of South Korea.
While I had some idea of what to expect—thanks to the levy brief we attended at our last duty station and the stories my husband shared from his previous rotation to Korea—I still didn’t feel prepared. I was just a girl from a small town in Kentucky, where hardly anyone left the state line in pursuit of something bigger. I had already moved several times up to this point, but this move felt different. This was the one that would test my patience and strength. I had to grieve the things I’d gotten used to, like the convenience of calling my family whenever I wanted or going on the weekly Target run with a coffee in hand.
Moving overseas made me feel completely powerless, but with time, I slowly adjusted to our new reality. The feeling of disorientation and helplessness reminded me of something from an unexpected source: a video game. As a longtime gamer and retro console collector, I hadn’t initially made the connection, but it finally clicked after I got my hands on an old copy of a game my brother and I used to play for hours. It was then that I realized how much this experience paralleled the challenges faced in the virtual worlds I loved.
If you’ve ever played Metal Gear, Hideo Kojima’s 1987 masterpiece for the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES), you’ll understand the feeling of being thrust into an unfamiliar situation with no clear path forward. If you haven’t, here’s a brief synopsis of its somewhat complex storyline:
In an alternate timeline diverging after World War II, the U.S. is thrust into a new kind of Cold War during the 1970s. The protagonist, Solid Snake, is an operative of the special forces unit FOXHOUND and is tasked with hunting down a bipedal robotic tank, capable of launching nuclear weapons, called Metal Gear. As the player, you take on the role of Solid Snake, and your mission is to destroy this machine before further conflict ensues.
What makes this game unique is that you aren’t equipped with heavy artillery right from the start. You begin the game with virtually nothing, relying on stealth to succeed. What this game does exceptionally well is create a sense of disempowerment, setting it apart from the action games that came before. You’re placed in a situation where you don’t know what to do in an unfamiliar environment, and instead of shooting everything that moves, you must use the resources and knowledge around you to complete the game.
Moving overseas for the first time feels a lot like Metal Gear. Just as Solid Snake is dropped into a new mission, stripped of power and resources, you too face a situation that feels overwhelming. The feeling of disempowerment—of being out of your element—is intense. But just like in the game, you eventually learn to adapt, do a little investigating, rely on the resources around you, and push forward. Overcoming this initial sense of helplessness is key to thriving in your new life abroad.
As with any major transition, there will be moments when you struggle to process this new reality. And that’s okay. Like a character navigating unknown terrain, you’ll encounter culture shock and find yourself seeking ways to make things feel familiar again. The journey may be disorienting, but giving yourself the grace to adjust is part of the process.
If I could offer some tips on how to overcome this disempowerment, it would be these:
Find your tribe. Just like Solid Snake has a support team to guide him through his mission, you need a community to support you. Don’t try to go it alone.
Don’t be afraid to seek professional help. Therapy has been a critical tool for me to cope with the transition. It’s like a tactical advantage in a video game—it gives you the strength to keep going.
It is what you make it. I know this phrase is annoying to hear sometimes, but it is so true. While venturing out into a new community can be daunting or scary, it’s one of the best ways to make your new environment feel like home. Think of it as gathering intel: learning the culture, mastering basic phrases, and understanding local customs will help you feel more connected and empowered.
Do your research. In Metal Gear, knowledge is power, and the same is true in real life. Take time to explore installation websites, reach out to Family and Community Services, join local Facebook groups—equip yourself with information to ease your transition.
Take time for yourself. Moving overseas can be overwhelming, much like navigating a tough level in a video game. Just as Solid Snake needs time to regroup, you need moments to recharge. Whether through a favorite hobby, meditation, or quiet reflection, self-care is essential. Treat it like a save point—it helps you reset and prepare for the challenges ahead.
Just like in Metal Gear, you start out feeling unprepared, but with time, patience, and the right support, you’ll find your way. You might feel lost at first, but eventually, you’ll gain the tools you need to not only survive but thrive. You will move from disempowerment to empowerment in no time!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Mary Lane Montoya is a dynamic digital marketing expert with a heartfelt commitment to supporting others. Her journey towards making a difference was sparked by personal challenges encountered during an overseas military relocation. Following a tumultuous period marked by the trials of a rough PCS move, unemployment hurdles, and childcare struggles, Mary recognized a common thread among military spouses facing similar obstacles associated with overseas living. Thus, she embarked on a mission to enact positive change, birthing The OCONUS Project to address the unique needs of military families like hers.
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